


Giving

by Artificial_Starlight



Series: Giving In [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Past Russia/China
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:13:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artificial_Starlight/pseuds/Artificial_Starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was in a relationship with Matthew; he cared about that Canadian- dare he say loves him- and for the past few months has been deathly afraid of screwing anything up. Now this- this cheating feeling; he knew that couples broke up over this. Read it in those stupid books, saw it in movies- it caused heartbreak. Heartbreak was a sickness, a depression, it meant breaking-up, the parting of lovers; he never wanted to hurt Matthew like that, and his blood turned to ice at the thought of how he could cry over this- hate Ivan over this. It was just another way for Ivan to destroy- and this time, he didn't even mean to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Second Chapter will contain Graphic Depictions of Sex. So be aware.

“Ivan,” Lithe arms wrapped around Russia’s middle as soon as his name was called and he jumped at the contact, looking over his shoulder at a head of golden blonde hair. He smiled, turning in the embrace to laugh in a slightly childish way, he bend over, curling his own arms around the small form and easily lifting the boy up. Matthew giggled, “It feels like it’s been forever- put me down!”

“No.”

A white bear pulled at Ivan’s coat. “I want up too.”

Ivan finally released the blonde, bending down again to lift the polar bear up, keeping him at arms length, the Russian tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at the animal. “I would hug you, but you bit me last time, da?”

“You lied to be about fish outside, there were no fish.”

The suspicious look disappeared as if Ivan suddenly remembered something. “Oh, da, I suppose I deserved that. I wanted to ravish Matvey on the couch.”

Matthew blushed, humming in embarrassment.

“You owe me fish.”

Russia rolled his eyes, though he did not seem annoyed at all. “You can barely remember Canada’s name, yet you remember when I say I will give you food.”

“Who?”

Canada laughed, shaking his head fondly. Russia smiled too, finally pulling the bear in to hug, he freed one arm to pull Matthew back in as well, holding his arm around the boy’s waist. He kissed the Canadian chastly while in a room full of others, but could not help but breathe in the smell of sweet maple and wheat. “You ate pancakes this morning.”

“Of course! They were on the plane though, not homemade, unfortunately, but I had my syrup with me so it wasn’t too bad.”

“How were you able to take maple syrup with you on a plane…?”

“I have express permission.”

“To take _maple_ with you.”

“ _Oui_ , I wasn’t going to let airline rules keep me from my maple! Every time I land in a new country I would have to go out and buy more, and half of my brothers and sisters don’t _have_ maple- do you know how crazy that makes me? I need to talk to them about this.”

Ivan snorted, squeezing the two closer to him for a second in affection before releasing them, handing Kumajirou over to Canada to hold. “England tried to assign us seats.”

“He’s never done that before,” Matthew frowned. “Except in attempts to keep France away, of course, which never works, so…”

“Da, I think it was to keep us from sitting together. I took care of it though, France was willing to trade places with me when I asked so very nicely.”

“You threatened him?” Canada didn’t know whether to be concerned or amused. Kumajirou huffed like he was happy, but his bear never liked the Frenchman too much.

“Only a little, Matvey, I promise! I only waved my pipe around and smiled; he moved out of the seat very quickly. It has been weeks since we saw each other, I wanted to sit by you… are you angry?”

“Non,” Canada smiled, actually rather touched. “So long as you don’t actually hurt papa, ok?”

“Da!”

“Also, Ivan… if we can talk more privately, I’d like to ask about-”

“Alright, everyone settle down, you know the drill; find your seats and we’ll begin.” England spoke, rough and commanding, causing the chattering of others to quieten. “Also, just to remind you all to be on your best behavior, we all have agreed to allow these meetings to be officially on record. We have cameras set up around the room with trusted news sources and are now live for everyone to see; everyone here is to go about your business as usual, but please remember those who will be watching and act accordingly. This meeting is about tax evasion and transparency, and then we’ll speak briefly about updates or agreements you want to share. Please keep on topic, with limits on speech length, and do not interrupt. As host of the thirty-ninth G8 meeting, I hope you have a pleasant stay here at Lough Erne. I now give the floor to Japan.”

Canada and Russia took their seats close to the podium, and although they sat close and smiled at each other a few times throughout the meetings, there was no real chance for them to speak. Kumajirou crawled out across both their laps in a kind of spread-eagle position to sleep, spoiledly getting petted from both. Canada and America had twin speeches and the topic of conversation began to revolve around Syria and pros and cons on any Nation getting involved. Wisely, nobody truly stated their opinions or determined their actions regarding the civil war within that Nation and the theories on _if_ things grew more heated were merely speculated.

Hours later, the meeting began to wrap up and as Canada stood, bending his back to a series of pops. The atmosphere suddenly changed. It was strange, and Russia almost missed it- still didn’t know what caused it when he looked up from the bear in his lap at the sound of Matthew clearing his throat, looking meek and shy. He started to put his papers away, shoulders stiff. “Um, so I think Kumakami and I are going to get some food.”

“Did you want to eat out or-”

“I’ll bring you back something. You texted me your room number, so I’ll meet you there in a few hours- unless something pops up, of course, just let me know and I will understand.”

“Why would something ‘pop up?’”

“I don’t know, I’m just guessing- anyway, we’ll go now. Come on Kumashen!” The sleepy bear was scooped up, and the two made their way hurriedly out of the conference room. Ivan frowned, not understanding.

“Russia,” A familiar voice called. Ivan turned to see China, standing not far away, arms folded and a determined look on his face. “We really need to talk, aru.”

Stuffing the small packet of notes from the meeting into the inner folds of his coat, Ivan stood, distractedly nodding at the Chinese man and following him out into the hallway. “You were very expressive today, Yao-Yao, I usually do not hear you make such a big deal about things- it was funny!”

The shorter man sighed, walking further down the hall, away from the door and in the opposite direction of the hotel rooms in which all other Nations were leaving for. Looking around, somewhat casually, he opened a set of french-bay doors leading out to a terrace.

Overlooking the vast green scenery of a golf course, Lough Erne, a four-star lodge in Northern Ireland, had particularly wonderful weather at this time of year, and Ivan himself had a lake-view room. Perhaps he had Matthew in mind when he requested it specifically, complete with a balcony and large bathroom fitted with a tub. Of course, Matthew had his own room, but Ivan had hoped they would spend time together, and he wanted a more relaxing atmosphere to help make it more special.

He had never dated before, and he had absolutely no idea how to ‘woo’ someone, however, thankfully, his lovely older sister was happy to give him points, advice, and even a few romance novels (that were just a tad disgusting to read but he went so far as to take _notes_ on some ideas he could see Matthew enjoying).

These notes included date-places and plans, romantic settings, topics of conversation (though, usually they never ran into the awkward pauses of uncomfortable silence- maybe because Matthew could ramble when nervous, or Kumajirou would do something to break the ice- like he _knew_ ). Ivan was the silent one most of the time; he wondered if his interests were too dangerous or violent; fighting, motorcycle racing, violent games and movies- he would feel embarrassed after noticing his dark humor in certain things, but Matthew never faltered.

In return, there were nights he sat through the Canadian’s happy-sappy movies, and- something that has become his new favorite past-time- cook with the boy. Matthew knew his cuisine, but unlike France, he was willing to experiment and try new cultural recipes or spices. They could plan many a movie and dinner, but the calm, happy time they spend together making a mess of the kitchen and eating good (or bad) food was the best dates they’ve had.

“So I am not to judge you, it is not my place. I usually would not mind if it were England, or France, they have affairs all the time, but I must say I was very surprised to know of your new relationship with Canada.” China spoke, bringing him slightly more to the present, though he was wondering why they had to do this now- Matthew was going to a restaurant to eat, and he couldn’t help but feel bereft of the chance to tag along.

“Da, many people were,” Ivan replied in a distracted way, looking down the hallway in the direction Matthew had gone; he was of course, no longer visible, but he wondered if he had time to run and catch up with the boy. It was strange that he had run off so suddenly and Russia had wondered if he was too clingy- he wanted to have dinner with the blonde, spend time with him, and it made him sad to be apart when they did not have to be. Did Canada just need space? Was he smothering him?

“It is not the fact that you have chosen Canada, specifically, however, I am concerned at your behavior the last few months- granted, the difference it makes that the world knows of us, I can understand slight alterations, aru… Are you listening to me at all?”

A snap of fingers in his face brought Ivan’s attention to the short Chinese. “Da, I am listening. I do not see your point, Yao.”

“That is exactly what I am talking about, aru!” The man’s arms gestured in an uncharacteristic way, wide sleeves waving around him. “For years you have followed me, trying to get me to cook for you, give you shares- we have a good partnership, Ivan, and I am worried that with your interests elsewhere, our supports may not be as strong.”

Ivan blinked, finally processing the conversation’s implications. “You are… jealous?”

Yao spluttered, turning red in the face. “Why would you think- I just… You wanted me to marry you, Russia, and even while I maintain a ‘no,’ our alliances were strong and steady, based off this relationship. And- we were beneficial to each other in times of… stress, aru.”

Oh, yes, stress was at many times relieved using each other, Russia had almost forgot. Yao was particularly good at it, very loud too. Ivan suddenly wondered at the differences between China and Canada; Matthew could be loud too, but more in incoherent whispered noises rather than words. The _sounds_ Matthew made…

Their relationship was not so intimate yet; they’ve touched, kissed for so long- Ivan could probably remember every freckle that dotted the man’s neck, shoulders, and back. It was so damn difficult to keep from just _taking_ when they slept or took a shower together; Ivan could look, touch at times to bring each other to orgasm. Matthew stopped their escalating intimacy at times for various reasons- good ones, Ivan admits; the time never felt right to take things further- they went weeks without seeing one another at times, and they were stressed, or tired, or meeting for business. Their time together was special, and the need to wait didn’t seem ridiculous or frustrating- it felt natural to allow themselves to slowly sink into deeper more meaningful settings. The kisses were sweeter, the touches were hotter; and Ivan knew the Canadian’s body- how he blubbered in shock when Ivan played with his curly wayward hair, he was ticklish down his sides, he loved to to held back-to-chest, grinned so happily when given a compliment on his beauty or interests.

Yao crossed his arms again, tapping his foot impatiently at Ivan’s silence. He wondered where the man was going with this- true they had fun, they helped each other out with many things; being neighbors and powerful Nations maintained a more strong need to assist and protect. Perhaps Yao was worried that this policy of theirs would go away. Then he had a fleeting wonder if Yao was propositioning him; he was certainly more concerned at the effects Ivan’s new relationship had on theirs. For the sake of clarity, Ivan began to explain, draw lines- he wanted no confusion or misunderstandings, “Being with Canada does not change our partnership as neighbors and allies, but the type of arrangement you are speaking of is not good for me any-

Hands grasped at his coat, bringing him forcefully down into a rough kiss; the surprise was the only thing that allowed it to happen. Their sex had always been very rough and demanding- exciting; Ivan was never afraid to throw the man down and there were quite a few times China had him up against a wall. China himself was an almost spoiled lover; he needed to be held tightly, wanted to kiss like it was a fight- all this had worked for Ivan at a time, had gotten him aroused with the idea that he could be rough.

It was a shock to find that this kiss was something he was not used to anymore; the soft lips were smooth but moved with a mean kind of purpose; they forced themselves hard against his, prying open his mouth and diving a tongue in to take. China was experienced in a way that he _knew_ what he wanted, confident that he could get it.

Russia didn’t like this kiss- was repulsed actually, and he jerked away almost as soon as he felt the tongue against his. It was all wrong.

Matthew kissed with passion, not with resolution like there was a goal to be reached. His lips were more chapped, and he could feel the softness of them when they caressed seductively against his own, not prying but teasing Ivan’s initiation to deepening the kiss. It was a game they played to see who would fall first into taking their intimacy to the next level and it drove Ivan crazy with the slow pace, but the exciting ideas of how to get Matthew to give in first kept him up all night.

This was wrong, and Ivan kept a strong grip on the man’s shoulder, keeping him an arms length away- the rock in his stomach twisted and said it wasn’t far _enough_ , and that he needed to leave, now. He was in a relationship with Matthew; he cared about that Canadian- dare he say _loves_ him- and for the past few months has been deathly afraid of screwing anything up. Now this- this _cheating_ feeling; the concept is foreign to him as he never had need to practice monogamy before, but he knew that couples broke up over this. Read it in those stupid books, saw it in movies- for the other person in the relationship; it hurt like nothing else, it caused heartbreak. Heartbreak was a sickness, a depression, it meant breaking-up, the parting of lovers; he _never_ wanted to hurt Matthew like that, and his blood turned to ice at the thought of how he could cry over this- hate Ivan over this.

Oh God, did this just cost him their relationship? Was Matthew going to throw it all away now that Ivan had cheated? He didn’t mean to! Wasn’t that what they all said in the movies though- how horrible of a person is he that he let this happen? What was he going to do?

“Don’t ever do that again.”

“Iva-”

“Hет! You come to talk- ask about my relationship, act _concerned_ ; but you are not. Do not touch me again or I will hurt you, China. I promise.”

He turned away then, not quite running, but fast enough to stomp back inside and down the corridor, panicking as he found an empty room far enough away and locked the door behind him. Pacing along the tables decorated in fancy tableware and crystal glasses, he tried to breathe, wondering if he was having a panic attack or something.

What was he going to do? Does he tell Canada? Would Canada _know_ already, just by looking at him? Would he be able to lie to him in the first place? He didn’t know- he didn’t want to fuck this up; why was this happening?

He whimpered in distress, sitting heavily in one of the computer chairs to put his head in his hands. What does he do? He hadn’t the faintest clue- he needed help.

He needed advice…

With shaking hands he pulled out his phone, taking large breathes to keep control, he forced himself to make the call, although every bone in his body tried to stop him. He couldn’t do this- had no way of knowing what to do in a situation like this; he had no dating experience- he would do anything to keep Matthew by his side.

As for who to talk to, Ivan didn’t have many friends, and his sisters couldn’t give reliable advice on this, frankly he was too afraid to talk to them about it, too horrified and ashamed- but he needed someone who knew Matthew...

“Yo, this is ‘merica!”

“Alfred…”

...oOo…

“What are you doing here, Matvey,” Canada jumped, heart leaping up his throat as he spun around, eyes wildly landing on a familiar pair of breasts before anything.

“I-what-” Embarrassingly, it took him a few seconds to realize what he was staring at (though, really they were _right_ there, and he swears they get bigger every time he sees them no matter the fact that he _pointedly_ tries to _not look_ ). His eyes hurriedly travel up to look at the soft face of Ukraine, seeing her genuine kind face start to fall to concern at his unsettled state.

Before he can really convince himself to pretend everything is fine, he huffs out a stressful breath. “I don’t know,” He glances around him, vaguely recalling stepping into the small restaurant, though he didn’t know what kind it was, only that it was the first he came across. “I was going to get some dinner, but I’m suddenly not really hungry.”

Ukraine frowned, her bottom lip trembling slightly. “That’s not good- are you sick, oh please don’t be sick!”

“I’m not! Really, I just…”

She let him fumble, watching him with wide, wet eyes as he tucked his chin under a silent polar bear in his arms. “Perhaps, we should get a table, da? And we can talk, no worries!”

“O-ok. That sounds… ok.”

Matthew followed her as she spoke to the waitress and led them somewhere secluded in the back tables. It was a large booth, with a dusk orange table cloth and dark wood seats, the pendant light above gave ample lighting but it was more ambient, and easy on the eyes.

A menu was placed in front of him and he looked at the first two laminated pages with disinterest. Kumajirou used his paw to point at something suspicious sounding and Matthew shook his head.

“You and my brother had a meeting today, yes?”

He nodded. “Why are you here?”

“Oh, I am visiting Belgium and she needed to speak with England today, so I planned to spend some time in the shops here. It is nice to take a break- my back has been killing me; I go to Lithuania sometimes to get this message, but it always comes back. It’s these breasts you know, they’re so heavy!”

“O-oh oui, I’m sorry you’re having problems.”

“Da,” She said in a melodic way, waving away his apology. “I’ve lived with them all my life, they are manageable… But what has you so sad, Matvey? Are you and Ivan doing ok?”

“We are, Ivan is amazing. Well… I don’t know, I guess.” He stared morosely at the table. “I expected backlash from the public about our relationship- countries too. I thought it would be over _us_ \- as a couple, like they would fight over the fact that we’re both males, or what it could do to our people and land. I never thought about- there are those who go straight for our personalities or the way I’m not deserving or experienced-”

Ukraine scoffed lightly, “Who is saying these things, what right do they have to-”

“China.” Canada ducked his head again. “Look, I’m not trying to- to tattle, or complain; I can handle a little bullying- I wouldn’t be much of a country if I couldn’t. But, at the same time, all he said makes sense, in every phone call he’s spammed me with and all the letters. I’m so young compared to him- to any of the European Nations, and Ivan- well, they were together in many different ways, I can see how my involvement can mess things up.”

“You do not mess anything up, Canada. You make my brother very happy. China and Russia are neighbors; they have a relationship like you and America, da?”

“But they were lovers… I mean, it’s different, now that I’m in the way-”

“Now look, Matvey,” Katyusha interrupted before he could go on. “They manipulate each other; I’ve seen how Yao acts around Ivan- he despises him on most occasions. Ironically, he will do a, how you say, one-eighty, and be enamoured with Ivan the next- purely for reasons that would benefit his Nation. Ivan has done this also- we all have for our own selfish reasons, many times in the past. However, their relationship, whether sexual or otherwise was never out of _care_ or _love_. It is all mutually beneficial; that is why you are different- my brother loves you-”

“What stops them from becoming _Mutually Beneficial_ to each other now?” Matthew whispers harshly. “Yes, they are neighbors, and were lovers, and so what if it’s out of actual love or _not_ , just because I’m with Ivan now doesn’t really mean- it can’t actually change anything, as much as I may want it to.” He closes the menu, pushes it away, and leans back in the booth, arms crossed defensively.

“I mean, we’re Nations, I know sometimes it could be necessary to _do_ these kinds of things to better the Country- right now, I know Yao is propositioning just that and… could I really be _mad_ at Ivan if it’s something he has to do? Or maybe even _wants_ , I don’t know- it hurts, Kat, to know he could or may have to be with Yao- but the worst part is, if it’s something he has to do, _I_ just have to grin and bear it; him laying with someone else. I can’t… I wouldn’t have the right to be angry- I couldn’t be selfish like that.”

Katyusha reaches over to unfold his arms and take hold of his trembling hand, squeezing softly. “Matvey- there are always other options, and my brother may be cruel at times, but he would not do anything to hurt you like this- not without speaking to you first. Have faith in him and his care for you. Trust him.”

Matthew jerked his gaze up to meet her eyes, looking surprised, mouth opening and closing a few times before a dry chuckle escaped his chapped lips. “Trust him, eh?” He smiled softly down at his bear, watching him as he stuck his tongue in the cup of water, trying to dig out an ice cube. “Worked out well for me last time.”

...oOo...

“Woah, woah. Hold up, China kissed you?”

“Yes! That’s the problem!”

“Damn right it’s a problem, why did you let that happen?”

“I didn’t! I didn’t know, he was talking about something- I was thinking about Matvey, and suddenly he was there, and I jumped away but it was too late, and I don’t know what to do. You were the only one to call, because you know Matvey, and I don’t know what to say- how to tell him I didn’t mean it. There was nothing I-”

“You are rambling, dude, slow down.” Alfred sat on top of a desk, setting his McDonald’s drink aside to look seriously down at the Russian. He seemed outraged at first, when he first learned of the situation, but at the moment he just stared at Ivan with a calm, if almost amused look. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you ramble; you’re really freaking out, huh?”

Russia gaped at the blonde. “Da, Alfred! I’m really ‘freaking out,’ are you making fun of me or will you actually tell me something worth-while that could possibly help me keep Matvey?”

“Oi, don’t get that attitude, commie, I’ll help ya, but I think you’re kinda blowing this out of proportion. Mattie’s been getting these letters and warnings from Yao for the past few weeks, dude. He’s known that China doesn’t approve, he wanted to talk to you about it but you haven’t seen each other lately. I’m sure he didn’t know Yao would make a move on ya, but… Mattie has good intuition- I wouldn’t be surprised if he suspected.”

“B-but he ran off as soon as the meeting ended, like he wanted to be away from me,” He paused, slowly starting to understand a bigger picture. “Like he _knew_ China would talk to me! I don’t know why though- China was the one who kissed me; I didn’t like it, I pulled away- would that still matter? Would he still hate me for that?”

America’s eyes narrowed, “I don’t know… I wouldn’t think so, if you really had no control over it, and if you had no interest in it, but weren’t you two, like, fuck buddies?” Russia grunted, neither in agreement or not, rubbing a hand across his eyes tiredly. “Canada knows the rumors of that too, you know, and I’m not one to tell on my brother’s love-life, but it’s obvious that he’s not that experienced- he likes the fairy-tale romance and he has insecurities about being wanted.”

“I know; I tell him often.”

“Yeah, well, it’s all good to just _say_ it but when the technical _ex-lover_ gets involved and basically calls you out for an affair, it may be best to show a little more proof.”

“How do I prove that though?” Ivan looked back up, searching Alfred’s face. “I’d give him whatever he wants, I’m so careful with him, I’m so… I try to show him that- I read fucking _books_ on sappy pathetic romances for ideas on dates- so I can take him out to do things, normal things- I try not to be so distant in public, to show him I care. It’s all so hard though, because one slip up- _just one_ and he could be gone.”

“Hm, it would take more than one, Ivan. My brother is so easy to win over when you do something bad-”

“I don’t want him to have to keep forgiving me! I know I make mistakes, but he shouldn’t have to… I don’t want him to just roll over and forgive me.”

“Dude, just because he forgives you doesn’t mean he rolls over- trust me, he’ll get you back, make you feel like shit for a few days, but he forgives because that’s who he _is_. It’s not like it pains him.” Jumping to the ground, Alfred puts a hand on Ivan’s shoulder squeezing slightly. “Look, Mattie is probably somewhere thinking you’re off boning Yao- call him up, talk to him, tell him about the kiss that you _expressly didn’t want_ , and tell him he’s the only one you’re ever gonna kiss unless otherwise stated-” the hand tightened threateningly. “Which should be never, right? Right- and this whole thing will be over; after you tell China to take a hike, of course.”

“That’s it- just tell him, and he won’t… hate me?”

“You couldn’t control Yao; couldn’t stop him from that advance even if you should have seen it coming a mile away, Mattie will understand that. Sure, he might be angry at first-” Ivan sighed frustratedly, but Alfred went on louder, “But that’s to be expected, dude come on, what would you do if that happened to him?”

“Break every bone in-”

“Ok, yeah, stupid question, moving on- you wouldn’t blame Matt for it though, if he didn’t even know it was going to happen, much less stop it, would you?”

“I wouldn’t,” Ivan mumbled truthfully.

“Then relax. It’s my brother who needs comfort- he’s probably thinking you’re giving Yao a good time right now.”

“Da, I’ll call him.” Standing from his chair with America following behind, he walked to the door, thumbing at his contacts on his phone with one hand. Pausing slightly, he turned a quarter just to look at Alfred once more. “... thank you.”

Alfred shrugged nonchalantly, but the color on his cheeks said he took the uncharacteristic gratitude for what it was. “Uh, yeah, it’s my baby bro. But listen, I remember what it was like for me when we had our _thing_ too, back when. You have this bad-boy image going on; and romantically, girls want to _fix_ you. That kind of thing that happens in fairy-tales- he believes it. So, don’t hurt him, or I will _fuck your shit up_ , got it?”

Ivan blinked, trying hard not to giggle in the face of that threat- he knew America was serious, and he was honestly frightened of Matthew’s family at times, coupled with his own fears of losing something so good…

“I’m trying so very hard not to,” He stated, his tone suggesting every ounce of sincerity.

“I know, I see that,” Alfred replied, nodding to himself. “You don’t have to always freak out over every little thing, ya know? But it’s nice. It means you really are trying, I’ll give you props for that.”

Russia didn’t ask what ‘props’ meant in the context Alfred spoke of, but he nodded appreciatively all the same. Bringing his phone up to his ear, he made his way out of the computer room they had holed up in, splitting ways with America in the hallway.

The ringtone went on for what seemed like forever before it was answered by a small voice- Canada’s unmistakably, but it seemed more subdued than usual, and Ivan’s heart lurched in his chest. “Bonjour, this i-is Matthew.”

“Matvey, where are you? Did you eat yet?”

“Well, I just ordered some things to go, I wasn’t hungry yet- mine and yours, if you still want to meet up.”

“Da, come to the hotel, I’ll meet you at the door.”

He practically ran to the entrance, stopping along the way to go to the bathroom in the lobby, washing his mouth with water repeatedly and wishing for a pull of vodka. His alcohol was in his room though, and he didn’t want to be anywhere but at the door- just in case he missed Matthew. Leaning against the bright stucco wall, humming in a lighthearted manner to sooth his own nerves and keep him from pacing, caused the nearby residents to give him a wide berth, which was fine with Ivan.

Perhaps he was too hasty, or impatient, but it seemed to take hours before Matthew arrived, Kumajirou trotting alongside him as he carried twin paper bags of food.

He almost yelped when Ivan suddenly showed up in front of him just beyond the electric doors, but smiled hesitantly when Ivan relieved him of some of the weight (it was nothing bothersome to a Nation with super-human strength, but polite all the same). “Merci.”

“Da,” Ivan opened his mouth to continue but his tongue tied and his voice halted- ten different ways of starting this conversation went through his mind and he struggled with formulating a coherent set of words that would make sense. Balefully, he stewed in silence as they made their way to his room, passing only Italy and Japan on the way who Matthew squeaked in surprise at when Italy waved and greeted him directly. It made Ivan chuckle just a bit. “You still not used to people remembering your name?”

Matthew shuffled beside him, taking more steps to keep up with Ivan’s long strides- the Russian slowed down slightly, looking at the blond with a small smile, hoping it was ok to make light conversation. Surely he didn’t have to blurt out horrible news of his actions with Yao just yet- at least not in the hallway. “Um, not really- At home, everyone always saw me, and especially do now, but anywhere else- eh, it still only happens whenever I’m with you.”

Ivan’s smile faded, “Ah, is that a good thing?”

“Oui, I suppose,” He laughs a bit. “They see you and then me- and then they know, eh? Although, some of them run away from me actually…”

“They are scared of you,” Russia states. “Because they are scared of me. It is good- they will think twice before doing stupid things, da? You are protected. Though you do not need it!” He hurried to add, just in case Canada got offended.

Matthew shook his head, smiling still. “It’s not something I truly mind. It’s just different is all. I can’t help but think they have so many things twisted, it’s sad to know they all don’t see you like I do.”

Huffing slightly, without any real heat behind it, he gathers his key and unlocks his door. “If it were up to you, everyone would know I am nothing but a soft marshmallow inside, da? I would get no respect.”

That causes Matthew to laugh, head thrown back and eyes closed. “Marshmallow! Oui!” He stepped inside, Kumajirou on his heels, and Ivan closed the door behind him, reflexively locking it. “Actually, non,” Matthew continues, still giggling between words as he sets his one bag on a table, joined by Ivan’s. He puts his briefcase on the floor underneath the desk and bends to unlace his black dress shoes, toeing them off and setting them to the side. “I don’t think I _would_ want anyone to see that side of you. It’s just for me- and your sisters.”

He straightens up to dig within the food bags to set up their to-go dinner and Ivan’s chest aches at the words- special and heartwarming. He watches for a few seconds as he putters around the table, and he can’t stop himself from touching the man anymore; he steps behind the blond, curling his arms around his waist and pushing his face into curls. “Da, that plan is better.”

Matthew shivers in his hold, tilting his ear away from Ivan’s breath but ultimately leaving his long neck open to the Russian’s mouth. He settles into the hold, resting his head back on Ivan’s shoulder and sighing. Ivan chastely kisses up the column of pale skin, playing with the sweater Matthew’s wearing and snaking his hand underneath to trail across his belly, it’s done casually and comfortably, a simple gesture of affection and Matthew melts further into him, hands pressing against Ivan’s to hold them there, loose but protecting.

They stood there in silence for a bit, Ivan taking the time to breathe in familiar maple and wheat, the warmth from another’s body calming him. His thumb caressed the Canadian’s stomach, marvelling at how smooth the skin was and how much trust Matthew had in him. However, there was something keeping both of them from truly enjoying the embrace, and it burned in his gut- because he _knew_ what Matthew was waiting for.

“You were nervous today,” Ivan whispered, trying to approach the subject in the forefront of both their minds, while attempting to keep the atmosphere as relaxing as possible. “You ran off so quickly, like you were angry with me. I did not know why until I spoke with Yao.”

Muscles tensed, Matthew’s spine more rigid, his form no longer compliant in his hands. “So,” His voice was soft, a whisper- it would be amusing in any other situation, how their body language completely contradicted the tone and setting of their conversation. “What did he say?”

“I believe you already knew what he was going to offer.” Ivan chided, tightening his hold just in case the Canadian wanted to break free, but he tried to keep it loose, his voice calm to give the impression that he was not angry or threatening Matthew with his position. “You did not tell me he was harassing you, Matvey.”

“That does not matter,” He replied, voice strengthening. “Why are you stalling this- are you lecturing me on-”

“He kissed me,” Ivan stated, leaning back only enough to catch Matthew’s gaze as the boy’s head turned, bright violets narrowed on him in rising anger, and now escalating hurt.

“Surprising,” The blonde replied, voice full of sarcasm- it was an attempt to hide the pain Ivan could see easily behind his eyes.

“That was all he managed before I pushed him away- I told him to never do so again. You may call me naive for being caught unaware, I was not expecting his advance; I had panicked after the fact, worried this would hurt our relationship. But just as I expected, you already knew- from China’s threats towards you. Why did you ignore this, Matvey? That is what I do not understand.”

Matthew’s eyes watered slightly, and he turned his face away a much as possible in his position, his fingers picked at Ivan’s sleeve absently. “You- its how you two helped each other, right? I mean, even if you didn’t care about Yao like you do for me, I figured- how mad could I be if it’s something that bettered your Nation?” He reached up, and Ivan couldn’t properly see his face from this angle, but he knew that tears were being wiped away and the knowledge that he had caused that- it was a twisting knife of self-hatred right through his chest.

“But I didn’t say anything because I- didn’t even want to think about it; I don’t think I ever want to know who you’ve been with, or why- even if it overlaps with our relationship; I’m probably never going to be able to compete with that, you know?” Ivan’s chest tightened in outrage, and he opened his mouth to viciously deny any such thing- how could Matthew even suggest- “It hurt, and I was ready to accept it, if you went with Yao, but… I realize now, and after running into Ukraine today, that I really should have trusted.”

He smiled then, lips wavering as he turned slightly more towards the Russian, just enough to see the expression of hesitant relief, wet cheeks, and fragile emotions behind glassy eyes. “Remember when we told each other that? Well, the rest of our talk and the way here, I trusted. I should have done it sooner and not been so worried but… I’m sorry I freaked out; I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, or thought that you would- with Yao.”

Ivan spun him around softly, releasing his waist to frame the boy’s face, his thumbs brushed away twin tears underneath the light framed glasses. “If that ever happens, we will _discuss_ it extensively; there are other ways to trade and better our Nations than sex, Matvey. There is no _necessity_ to it, and I would not carelessly fall into that temptation when I have you, right here.” He smiled sincerely. “Honestly, I’ve been so afraid of losing you- I freaked out myself, da? I called America- I can’t believe I did that, it was pathetic really.”

Matthew laughed, eyes drying after a quick wipe, “Really? I’m sure he wasn’t too harsh on you. He can give some good advice- Katyusha can too. We would be lost without our siblings, eh?”

Bringing him closer, he kissed the Canadian softly, it was slightly wet and tasting of salt, but it was one of the best kisses they ever shared. “How many times,” Ivan mumbled as he delved back for more, still slowly caressing with lips and tongue, keeping it light and loving. “Do I have to tell you that there is no competition? I’ve never loved anyone before, Matvey. Nobody except for my sisters and you- everyone that I’ve ever been with, that means nothing to me, and I wish you could _see_ that. I’m sorry you feel like its something you have to live up to, or be worthy for- you have no idea- it’s not like that at _all_. You are the first and last I will be with in which _this_ means _everything_ to me. You are the _top_ \- there is nobody that would ever come close.”

Pulling away from the kiss, Matthew smiled, laughed a little, and a few more tears escaped his eyes. “I can’t believe you just said that,” Wrapping his arms around Ivan’s shoulders, he buried his face into the pale scarf, nuzzling up into the Russian’s jaw. “Thank you. So much. I love you.”

“You’re still crying,” Ivan whispered, listening to the small sniffles, hand gathering a fistful of the Canadian’s sweater at the small of his back to pull him closer and tighter against him.

“Yeah, but I’m not sad.” Looking up at Ivan, he chuckled lightheartedly, pushing onto his toes to kiss him. “You make me really happy.”

The constricting pain in Ivan’s chest was swept away, and a warm relief remained; because that’s all he’d wanted was to make Matthew happy, to try and return the bundles of new and amazing feelings the Canadian bestowed upon him. Sometimes things between them seemed one-sided; Matthew brought so much cheer, and Ivan struggled to keep him happy in return- he went to almost uncharacteristic lengths to do so- it was so worth it though, to see Matthew smile at him, just _for_ him.

“Da, that’s all that matters to me.” Neither of them spoke after that; they remained close, tight in each other’s arms.

…Thank You…


	2. Retake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Contains Graphic Depictions of Sex. Be aware.

Matthew’s tactics turned sly after a few minutes, his body leaning in, legs framing Ivan’s thigh to the point that the Russian instinctively raised his leg up to give more friction. Devilish tongue twisted with his own before a sharp bite to his lip caused him to jump; that wasn’t something the blonde did often, and with the full contact and slightly fevered and rough treatment, their bodies were starting to awaken.

Realizing that Yao’s kiss was still on Ivan’s lips and needed to be erased- _eradicated_ , Ivan’s participation in their kiss grew more heated. He wanted to touch, to make Matthew moan and sigh- to show him that there was no other that he wanted or needed- and there was certainly no other who could arouse him so easily.

It was salty and wet from the few tears Matthew had shed, but soft, chapped, warm, pliant- Matthew hummed in delight, opening for him sweetly. It was so different- it started a fire in Ivan’s stomach; a flame that greedily consumed the noise Matthew made and craved for more, growing larger as he fed it with the touch of his hands and skill of his mouth.

One of his large hands curled under the sweater once more, palming the Canadian’s flank in a way he had found gave the boy shivers- a strange ticklish/ erogenous zone that would break his body out in goosebumps. The boy’s hips bucked slightly at the gesture, sure enough, and Matthew moaned, wrapping his arms tighter around Ivan’s shoulders to become more involved in their kiss- more filthy. Hands wove into silver strands and Matthew sucked on his tongue before teasingly biting at his lip again. It made Ivan growl, because it just suggested more to come.

“Take me to bed, Ivan.”

Ivan’s throat clogged with a groan. “You better mean-”

Matthew’s body moved sensuously against his, grinding against his front and Ivan inhaled sharply as he felt the distinct arousal. “I mean _take me to bed_ , and show me how this trade works in _other_ ways.”

“Da,” Ivan breathed, _wanting_ so badly to show him. He reached out, firmly holding the Canadian’s hips and lifted easily, waiting for him to wrap his legs around before moving forwards, Matthew’s back rolled under his hands as he grinded and Ivan kissed him passionately- needed to stop that _sound_ , because Matthew’s quiet moans were the _death_ of him.

He hardly knew the layout of his hotel room, and he spared a quick second to realize that they were in England- in his hotel- in one of his rooms, and he laughed breathlessly as he brushed his shoulder against a door-jam, gracelessly. “Your father would be pissed-” He mumbled, finally finding the bed and falling over Matthew kissing him again.

“Which one- cause- I think France,” he paused to pull his sweater and undershirt off and then began unbuttoning Ivan’s jacket and shirt. “Would be quite pleased.”

“The other one, da? I feel like I’m sneaking you behind their backs- it’s exciting; it’s like stealing their child away in the middle of the night to do…” He took a steadying breath as his imagination started to offer every single thing he could do to Matthew now. “Very bad things.”

The boy laughed, “Only it’s not stealing- I came willingly. Also, bad is an opinion I reserve to voice on until I’ve tried it.” He squeaked in surprise as Ivan flicks a thumb across his nipple with his right hand, then ducks down to suckle on the left. “Ivan, that’s good- but take these off-” He’s fumbling with the Russian’s belt, getting the button and zipper down but not having the reach to push them off his hips.

Ivan hums, which makes Matthew’s breath catch beautifully. “Come on, I want to see you, please.”

He leans back, instantly growling at the loss of Matthew’s heat, smell, taste- he throws off his unbuttoned shirt and jacket, stepping off the bed to get his heavy boots off with minimum untying of the laces- his boxers and slacks are shoved off his legs. He takes the moment to lean over Matthew, undoing his own pants and tugging them down- watching his hips as they buck up to help the process. Matthew’s cock is beautiful- pale but for the pink tip, curving up to his belly now that it’s not entrapped in cotton.

Ivan climbs back over him, carefully kneeling between Matthew’s open legs and running his hands across milky thighs, hoisting his knees up to Ivan’s waist. He drank in the sight below; seeing it rarely with the intent of touching and taking things further between them; the times in which they were both nude and so close were few, and he was always too afraid of disobeying Matthew’s wishes to purposefully put them in compromising and tempting positions.

Now, he took his time looking; their groins so close, in a way that it looked like Ivan could already be inside the Canadian- smooth expanse of skin, pert pink nipples- marks over the chest and neck already beginning to show because _he_ put them there. Matthew’s arms were over his head, hands gathering one of the pillows at the top of the bed to put under his hips- it left his entire middle open and vulnerable. His stomach, chest, neck, all open, and Ivan had to breathe because just the sight was enough to make him want to _take_.

Matthew allowed the starring; he grinned and stretched in a way to make Ivan’s eyes darken further; until they were a dark violet, almost maroon- and he wasn’t embarrassed to look at Ivan either. Ivan was big- everywhere, not just endowed; his shoulders were so broad the shadows from the above light practically covered him, his rough calloused hands covered most of his back thighs where he had them raised. He was strong, packed with muscles, but in a way that kept his abdomen looking softer, scars lined his chest and arms, front and back, Matthew knew, but that added to the admiration. In their world, these were battles, wars- tokens of strength and survival; with an impressive, thick cock, uncut and surrounded by almost white curls, Ivan had an amazing form. Matthew wanted to touch, to feel him against his own body- all of him.

He leaned forwards, sitting up enough to smooth his hands up from the man’s forearms to his shoulders, watching his own hands as they trailed lightly between the pectorals and down the abdomen, loving the flex of muscles following his touch. He didn’t hesitant to go further, but he did turn his gaze up to meet Ivan’s when he brushed his palm against the man’s arousal. Ivan’s eyes flickered, almost shut, at the touch, and his hands tightened around his thighs. Matthew’s fingers wrapped around the shaft, feeling the weight, the heat. He pulled slowly at the skin, rubbing his thumb at the revealed head, pushing against the slit and then smearing the wetness down to the underside.

Ivan’s hips pushed forward and he groaned, obviously wanting more. “C-can you take- your scarf, would it be too much?” It was the only thing remaining and Ivan’s lustful expression cleared enough for him to nod, looking concentrated on the present- their body’s connections and what they were about to do- what it meant that he would bare his neck to Matthew, especially during this.

Softly unwrapping the cotton material, he folded it like he always did when he handled Ivan’s most prized possession, and stretched back again to put it on the nightstand, taking off his glasses to set them on top. “Do you have anything for preparation?”

Ivan’s suitcase was just at the side of the bed, he only had to lean over slightly to reach into it, coming back with a bottle that had a pump cap on it, setting it it beside Matthew’s hips, he swallowed, panting slightly. “Let me know if you need more, when I start this- don’t let it hurt.”

Smiling, Matthew wiggled his hips, “I’ll let you know, Ivan. Do you want to do it, or me?”

“I need my hands on you,” Ivan almost growled, already spreading the slick over his fingers, he kept one hand under Matthew’s thigh, though now that the pillow was wedged under his hips, it wasn’t necessary- it kept him open, and Ivan’s grip on it gave him a grounding. He became distracted by Matthew’s cock, realizing he hadn’t touched it yet; he needed to.

The blonde’s legs twitched at the surprised change in direction, and he keened softly at the firm grasp. Ivan’s lubed hand made it easy to caress, stroking from root to tip, getting it wet and slippery. He worked his palm over the head, keeping his fingers in a tight ring, grinning when Matthew let out a true moan of ecstasy, head back, eyes closed, mouth open.

Ivan leaned forward to capture those sounds, biting at the Canadian’s throat and then roughly nipping at the man’s lip. Hands once more settled in his hair, and a breathless “Ivan” was whispered into a sloppy kiss.

Ivan changed his grip, twisting it with every up-stroke, and Matthew whined, breaths picking up speed between Ivan’s relentless kisses, licks, and bites. Nails digging into Ivan’s scalp served as a warning to take it easy, and Ivan slows his hand, knowing Matthew would need the subtle decreasing touch rather than the sudden release. Rubbing gently one more time before reaching for the lube again, Ivan teased along the blonde’s jaw and ear, listening to the huffs of breaths slowly come down to a less fevered pace.

“You make such beautiful sounds,” Ivan whispered. The pump on the bottle made it too easy- he didn’t even have to look to see; could keep his eyes on the blonde’s expression; the blown pupils, the swollen red lips, the blush on his cheeks. “I have to find every place, touch you every which way- see what makes you moan so loudly- for me; you call my name like that and it makes me insane.”

A coy grin was thrown his way- perfectly lighting up the boy’s eyes and with the red on his cheeks and the escalated breathing, it just made Ivan’s chest ache. “When you touch me, it’s like sparks, it feels amazing.”

Ivan kissed him again, unable to stop- he should really stop, let them both breathe, but he couldn’t help it. “It’s that bond between person and Nation. Focus on me; where I touch in relation to _you_. I can feel you, and you can feel me too. You’re beautiful.” His fingers, sufficiently slick once more, passed the man’s erection to brush knuckles against his sack, teasing the pads of his fingers behind to the perineum and slipping them down to the opening. “I can feel your forests, the mountains, your rivers and lakes. That’s just the surface.” He rubbed around the ring of muscles, making sure the way was no longer dry before pressing in to the first knuckle. “The deeper we go- when I’m inside you, if we concentrate- I’ll feel your people, the thoughts.”

“I’ll b-be able to feel you too?”

“Da,” He trailed kisses down Matthew’s throat, pressing his finger deeper, feeling the surprisingly easy stretch. He groaned thinking that perhaps Matthew had practiced. “You’ll feel me- everything. If we were a union, it would be permanent, but this is better, intimate, it’s about trust and a way to _know_ what is weak, strong, or important. You can choose what a partner sees; if you try to block it- but it isn’t as good. I want this to be good, Matvey.” He wouldn’t be blocking anything; he’ll let Matthew see him, his Nation and the people- from the past to the present and his plans for the future.

A second finger breached and he curled them, pumping them to keep the movements easy. Matthew made a gasping whine, small and excited, his abdomen rolling as he worked his hips down to meet the fingers’ thrust. “It’s good.”

Ivan’s grin was a wicked kind, reminiscent of his cruel sadistic smiles, and he pressed the digits harder, faster, working them with the blonde’s hips, suddenly adding a third in the middle of a grind that made Matthew groan at the sudden extra pressure. The arms around Ivan’s neck squeezed and the rolling hips hardly stopped at the intrusion, still feeling much too pleasurable.

Leaning back, Ivan raised his upper body from its looming position, causing Matthew’s hands to grab onto the blankets and remaining pillows above his head. He looked down, passed the straining cock, to the point where his fingers disappeared. From his new position, his hand and arm gained more leverage, and the trusts of his fingers changed. Matthew moaned, louder than before, back bowing from the mattress- every next push into the Canadian earned him a louder noise of pleasure, until Matthew’s face turned into a pillow, muffling the sound as much as he could.

Ivan almost protested, but the barrier wasn’t much of a muffler, and the body underneath him was slowly tightening with desperate need for release. He watched keenly as the blonde’s legs quivered, the moans turned shaky and breathless- and he slowed his hand, no longer aiming for the prostate nor pushing with as much force.

The next groan was one of frustration. “Ivan!” Matthew took his face out of the pillow, looking up at the Russian with a desperate pout; complete with a face that just screamed _debauched_ , it made him chuckle. “Ivan, come on, I think I’m ready for the big league- just; ah, don’t stop touching me, please. You’re doing this on purpose.”

With a plea like that, Ivan couldn’t refuse, and he chuckled with the blonde, unapologetic of the way he kept bringing Matthew closer to release so quickly. The pull at his fingers as he slid them away made him groan, knowing how open and warm Matthew’s body was and the greedy muscles that almost clung to him- imagining what that would feel like sent a thrill of heat through his own belly.

Slicking up his own neglected member made him choke with forgotten need and he couldn’t help the extra strokes, encouraged by the hot gaze of the Canadian watching him keenly. Matthew’s eyes were narrowed with a look of want, and his red lips were moistened by his tongue- like he was remembering a taste. And the chill that crawled down Ivan’s spine made him moan; because Matthew _had_ tasted him before; that was one of the few instances of sex they had tried and just the memory of that hot mouth around him pushed him closer to the edge.

Squeezing the base, as uncomfortable as it was, staved off the sudden wave of orgasm and he took his hand away completely to smooth a palm up the blonde’s hip instead. Leftover lube left behind a slick trail following his palm but the body underneath curled up to meet the touch and Ivan leaned forward to bring their bodies in alignment.

The first slide in was long, full of jolting movements that made them both grown under the _too much- not enough_ white-hot _heat_ , as their legs shifted to accommodate the new position and weight. Ivan buried his face into the other’s neck, stalling his hips for a mere second to breathe out before pulling back. Matthew’s legs wrapped tightly around his waist, and he was seemingly not under any pain as Ivan glanced up. The Canadian was pushing and pulling, without any pause, to get their rhythm going, meeting his thrusts with more confidence every time. His cock was pressed between them, moving slickly with the lube from before, stimulating him from both inside and out.

Ivan kept one elbow to the side, holding part of his weight up so he wouldn’t completely fall on Matthew, but the other swepped up and down the blonde’s side, sometimes holding on for a particularly rough rut, and causing those shivers of sensitivity to run down Matthew’s back. “Matvey,” He tried to call, but it came out as more of a moan, his lips right next to the Canadian’s ear. “Focus on it.”

Trying to keep himself open; to pointedly think of an invitation, he felt the beginnings of this _bond_ forming. An exchange- no a _merging_ of information; forests, mountains, rivers, lakes, cities, farming fields, oil fields. The young, old, workers in offices, school teachers, students, children. The laughter, the tears, the opinions and culture. Canada’s hockey, Russia’s motor racing, traditions in festivals and holidays.

It all came slowly, in flashes and with surface information and knowledge. Suddenly, the hair brushing across his face were wheat grains, and the hand on Matthew’s hip- touching Alberta. The heart beating against his chest, Vancouver. “красивый,” Ivan breathed.

Then the images imprinted for longer, holding more meaning, more importance; the depths of Matthew’s value- in his land, the people. The morals and the admirations; his peoples views, their worries. Like the constant state of his own only now there was an overwhelming knowledge of the differences between them and the similarities. The land they shared was expansive; rivers and mountains unending, and the people- so many of them, all so loud and expressive. From children to the elderly.

Ivan could pinpoint the exact identity of the few Canadians who Matthew cherished; the store cashier down the street of his home, the neighbor’s eight year old son and his Halloween costume this year. There was a lake by the borders of Alaska that Matthew fell through on the winter of 1998, there was a protest Matthew went to in order to save that particular forest from being cut down. Maple- the sweet flavor of it, like the first time it ever landed on his tongue; combined with the trees being harvested for the rich sap. The love Matthew had for children, secretly spending as much time possible researching and helping students through the nation’s schools; oh, how Matthew would love to be a teacher in another life.

How Matthew yearned for a child of his own sometimes; wanted love- wanted to be needed and held. The overwhelming wish to have someone there to kiss him and embrace him- to _see_ him, always.

His feelings here, now. The chest aching _love_ and affection directed at Ivan melding with the sense of awe and wondering amazement- because while Ivan is seeing all of Matthew; Matthew was seeing all of _him_. His secrets, his thoughts; his innermost desires.

He was seeing the scars of his past, the effects on his mind, the possessive need Ivan had to keep and protect; the sincerity of his affections, the way Ivan admired Matthew; thought of him like… an angel he didn’t deserve but wanted so hard to prove worthy of.

His own secret wish for a family, but the horrors that came with families tearing apart. The way he wanted to be truly loved- despite his faults; the want-need-earn-take that bubbled up whenever he looked at Matthew and the things that stopped him; the respect he had for the Canadian, the way he could simply cherish the blonde, the wish that he could keep him close, tell him how much he was wanted...

Everything was all merging; feelings, opinions, lands, people, responsibilities and needs. It was a white-out of nothing but and Ivan had never felt such a huge connection, never had so much information coming in at once.

Matthew’s keen echoed as he came, hands grasping for purchase on the pillow, one in Ivan’s hair, tightening blissfully in a fist. Ivan felt it intimately; the places in which they touch burning and the cry of pleasure melding into the voices of millions of other people. Panting, the Russian just managed to hold on, continuing through the contractions around him, reaching down to encircle Matthew’s cock and help him through the aftershocks until he was trembling and whining with oversensitivity. “Ivan, don’t stop. Keep-”

“It’s ok,” He said, breathing heavily, trying to slow down his heartbeat, attempting to organize the scattered information in his brain. He didn’t know what was his anymore, and he should be more concerned at that, but he couldn’t; Canada was beautiful, inside and out and that devotion and love, he wanted to sink into it, be enveloped by it and never leave-

Hands on his chest pushed, and the Russian followed, allowing himself to be rolled onto his back, groaning in loss when his cock slipped free. He was still so hard, so desperate for release, and yet his entire mind was occupied with everything new and exciting, he didn’t know what he wanted more.

Matthew straddled him, skin glistening with sweat and torso completely filthy with lube and semen- Ivan sighed at the sight, watching as he leaned down to connect their lips, he met him enthusiastically, though they more or less panted through their kiss. Slowly sinking down on him, Matthew steadied his weight with hands on Ivan’s chest, legs too weak after his orgasm to reliably hold him up on their own. He kept a slow but sensual rhythm but with the added help of gravity and weight, Ivan was deeper than before, and the muscles Matthew was using to lift himself up, tightened around him in all the right ways.

Peppering kisses across his face, cheeks, jaw- hands running through his hair, Ivan felt it all, but was too consumed by the feeling of Matthew around him to do much else but groan. He was still experiencing the sparks of Canada, the images of land and people- he knew Matthew must be seeing _him_. He needed release; an escape of all the building pressure, the overwhelming need to consolidate everything he’d seen and touched. So much information, so many people; they were the largest countries in the world- he didn’t know it would be so intense-

Wet kisses across the scars of his neck, warm pressure, and a soft but distinctive ridge of teeth set him off; a firm grip on Matthew’s waist and a hard buck of his hips- he gave a hoarse groan, tilting his head forward to smother his face in Matthew’s pale throat.

He kept a tight grasp on the boy above him, staying still as he came so sensitive to the movements between him, and even after, as he slowly started to soften. A light feathering hand rubbed up and down his chest, another in his hair, combing through the sweaty strands soothingly.

Slowly, the bond faded, as they both came back to the reality of each other; Ivan claiming his land and Matthew regain his, the eerie but amazing sensation of sharing a mind passed; the thoughts solely their own once more. 

Ivan nudge his nose behind the Canadian’s ear pressing a kiss and trying to get his breathing under control enough to speak. “Are you ok?”

“Oui, I’m fine.” His voice was hoarse as well, but the tone behind it suggested there was a silly grin on his face. “More than fine, actually. You?”

“Da, more than fine,” He repeated, causing a breathless laughter from the blonde. The shakes, no matter how subtle, sent sparks echoing through their bodies and Matthew’s laughter choked off in a whine, thighs visibly trembling as Ivan caressed his palms down his sides; _knowing_ now the lands he touched, though he couldn’t feel it for himself anymore. It sent a small thrill of pleasure within to know this; among the few, if only, ones to ever know.

“Thank you, for showing me that- well, for all of it, of course, but… it was great. We should do it again.”

Grinning himself now, Ivan leaned back to look at Matthew, nodding. “Da, we will definitely be doing that again.” He looked down at the mess all over the boy, continuing to grin when Matthew did the same- his thighs were going to be dripping with Ivan’s release soon, and the comforter on the bed as well as the pillow under Matthew’s hips were probably ruined for the night.

“Uh, maybe until _after_ a shower. Oui, shower time- oh, and we didn’t eat yet,” He shifted a bit, squeaking as Ivan slipped free and their bodies slid together, skin still sensitive and wet. “I’m hungry.”

Smiling in a softer tone, Ivan nodded, propping himself up to move damp blonde hair away from that face. “I’ll feed you.” Moving out from underneath the lithe body, he sighed as he left the bed, taking the dirty pillow off and throwing it on the floor. “Start the shower, da? I’ll get the food ready and join you.”

It was a soft hand at his shoulder that stopped him from leaving, and Ivan curled his arm around the blonde’s waist as Matthew bent to kiss him from his kneeled form on the bed. “I love you.”

Sighing in bliss, Ivan nodded, trying hard not to let the blonde tempt him back to bed, it was hard with the Canadian wrapped around him, kissing his neck and jaw. “I love you,” He mumbled back when he could, then smirked. “Are you taking a shower or not?”

“I’m trying to convince you to carry me.”

“You’re very convincing, da?”

“Mm, you think I’m cute- it works.”

“You really are turning me into a marshmallow…”

“What, you didn’t see that in my plans?”

Ivan grinned, twisting just enough to get his other arm under Matthew’s legs, swinging the blonde into a bridal carry, he tucked the other’s body close, kissing his temple sweetly. “I see many things in our future actually- I am okay with that.”

With his lover in his arms, Ivan carefully stepped around their neglected clothing on the ground and into the little sitting area- the bathroom was just across. Giggling lightly, Matthew shook his head, “I promise to only use my powers for good.”

...Epilogue...

“Ugh! Can I sleep now?” Kumajirou called.

“I do not know. The bathroom can very easily carry sounds, da? We might be loud.”

“I’m going outside! I think France’s room is nearby. Can I eat his boots? I think they’re leather.”

“Kumashwarma, non-”

“Da! That is a wonderful idea! Also, China has very nice silk shirts that might taste really good too, maybe you can try those first.”

“Okay!”

“Ivan, don’t encourage him…”

“It would be funny! Besides,we will only mess with him a little. He deserves it, da?”

“... Just a little.”

“Da… just a little, right Kumajirou?”

“Ha, of course.”

Matthew nods, walking into the bedroom with his plate of take-out. Ivan leans over to reach his hand, palm up, for the bear to shake. They give twin smiles of deviant secrecy, and Ivan straightens, face blank, before Matthew can turn to see. “Just a little.”

...Thank You...

_Translations_ :

None

_Disclaimer_ : I do not own anything pertaining to Hetalia and I make no money from these writings!

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, I made something again!


End file.
